Z A N S H I N
by Dick Morgan
WASHING
HANDS
(first
published in the WOMAF
Newsletter, Fall, 1993)
It is well past midnight, and I am washing my hands in a deep-sink, massaging hot water and
antiseptic soap between each finger, around each joint, under each nail, in
case there is blood there too. A woman
my age has died in my hands; I can see her again in the harsh halogen light and
power-tool smoke as she lay upon the backboard, soaking through the
sheets. I see her open her eyes, and
slowly they focus on me. Above the noise
of the engines and people shouting, I hear her whisper, “Help me…” It is the last thing she says; there is
nothing I can do. Her car is smashed
beyond recognition, and it has taken too long to pry her out. She reached up from the backboard and grabbed
my shirt and said, “Help me…” But I could not.
Sometimes, being a paramedic is like
swallowing a large stone. And so I wash
again, more carefully this time. And as
I wash, I think about what more I could have done, or could have done faster. I learn what I can from it. That is the only part I will keep until next
time. I continue until I am just
washing. And when I am finished, I am
ready again.
At times, life is like this for all of
us. Day in, day out, we are exposed to a
steady barrage of unpleasant situations, dilemmas, frustrations, and minor
nuisances, from rude drivers to unscrupulous business people, from social
predators to relationship crises. Our
energies are soon depleted maintaining the guards and armor we erect to shield
ourselves from the “world out there.” We
grow tense, suspicious, jaded. Stress in
an omnipresent buzzword, and therapy is our espresso. All we can manage is to cope, and our inner
selves become unapproachable, eclipsed.
But there can be no progress in any
art without access to our inner selves.
Playwright Arther Miller wrote, “(Art) is news from our inner selves,
without which we would go mad from the chaos of our lives.” This is especially true of the martial arts,
for the transformation into a warrior must happen internally. The first principle of any martial art is
that true strength comes from within.
Therefore, it is of paramount importance that we learn how to gain
access to our inner selves. And in order
to do that, it is necessary to let go of the “world out there”, get past the
guards and armor, and cleanse ourselves of the stresses that shut us down. But how do we begin?
Perhaps we can begin with a kind of
“washing.” Every day, we can find
immense benefit in taking a moment in which to set aside all the cares of the
day and simply exist in the present moment, free of all the negativity we carry
around with us like so much unneeded baggage.
The simplest way to do this is to sit in a comfortable position with the
back straight, the chest open, and the eyes closed, and focus our attention on
our breathing. When we concentrate on
our breathing, our minds become focused only on the present. We cannot breathe in the past, nor the
future; as we continue to focus slowly on our breathing, the past with all its
regrets, and the future with all its obligations, slowly fade away.
Also, as we focus on our breathing, we
minimize the intrigue in our lives.
Breathing is entirely personal, and totally without ulterior
design. Nature severely discourages
dishonesty in breathing. And so, as we
concentrate on each breath, we subjugate the complex needs of the ego to the
simpler need of our whole being to vitalize and cleanse itself.
Martial art practice should always
begin with a brief period of this kind of meditation. Whether white-belt or black belt master,
certain precepts remain constant. Paramount among these is the necessity to always approach the
practice area with respect—that is, with an open mind and a cleansed
spirit. Only then can our common journey
progress towards peace and harmony.
So take a moment before you step onto
the mats; relax, slow your breathing, and quiet your inner voice. Engage your mind with the task of being aware
of your Tan-Jun center, two inches below your navel. Inhale slowly and completely, filling every
last corner of your lungs with fresh air.
As you do this, become aware of how the diaphragm compresses the Tan-Jun
point and creates a feeling of warmth.
Then become aware of the body absorbing this warmth into all its distant
parts. Begin a slow exhalation, aware
that your body has automatically taken the oxygen that it needs and exchanged
its own wastes and toxins. As you exhale
completely, emptying every last dead-air space, let go of any residual “mental
garbage” distracting you from this awareness.
At the moment of complete exhalation, focus on the body’s need for the
next breath—only this, with an otherwise quiet mind. Then begin again, slower this time, and more
lovingly. Each breath is a complete
cycle of existence, a new beginning into the eternal NOW.
After as few as three such
breath-cycles, the mind is emptied of external cares; the whole being is
cleansed and renewed. And access to the inner self is regained. This is Tan-Jun breathing at its most vital;
it is ”washing the hands of the spirit” before practice.
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